Rhymes With became a heroine. She wandered into Canterbury Cathedral and Thomas à Becket drifted off. It was the most amazing thing. Was the fearless Thomas afraid of her? Did she really have some sort of magic? Nah! It was just coincidence. Nevertheless she felt smug until she read the London Sun the next morning.
It seems Thomas à Becket had succeeded in closing off the Chunnel. The train drivers refused to drive. Every time a train went through there was an apparition floating along in front of them. One of the drivers who was only twenty-six-years old and had only assumed command two weeks previous had to be pensioned off. He is now living in the south of France and visits Monte Carlo regularly, it is rumoured.
Rhymes With felt guilty but the feeling didn’t last; it never does among the truly depraved. Was she really? No, she was just ambitious. So what if the Chunnel stayed closed forever but then she remembered that her father was one of the backer of the project, used the last of the gold discovered in an unknown tomb on the Nile, actually it was quite a pile, in fact it was probably the biggest pile of gold ever discovered, along the Nile or anywhere else for that matters. So what if Pops drops a billion or two; there’s lots more where that came from. No no this cannot go on.
She steeled herself. Double malt whisky does it every time. She ventured down to the Chunnel and asked to take a train through. The authorities didn’t think twice. They strapped an engineer into his seat at gunpoint and the two of them set off. When they were about halfway through, she saw the apparition and began to laugh, actually it was a very nervous laugh, more of a cackle really. She recognized the apparition for what it was, a Ferguson tractor.
The rest was Hollywood. She had made the engineer stop the train. She gave that apparition a tongue lashing the likes of which had never before ever been heard beneath the sea. ‘Fine’ the apparition had indicated. He turned into Superman, gave the engineer the thumbs up and was gone, gone, gone, never more to return. Promise Promise Promise was written in the wind. Never more to return!
Of course when the train arrived back on English soil again, Rhymes With was invited to the Buck House for afternoon tea with the Queen. No one knows what happened there. To hear R W tell it, the cat had got her tongue and a good thing too. Anyway, the Queen offered to make her a dame but she said that she was holding out for a knighthood.
The contract was complete. Old Thom had gone forever, about time too, RW had forgotten her chicanery over the matter of seating arrangements. When she got on the flight, she was gratified to find that she had received an upgrade, an honour she considered greater than being invited to Buck House for tea. She got to her seat and noticed, a toy, a child’s toy on the aisle seat. What’s this? she asked herself. Am I going to be stuck with some sniveling brat? In first class, I guess I can put up with it for awhile.
She should have known. She was sitting beside the window and peeking out at the airplanes taking off into a typical overcast English sky, when she sensed that someone had sat down beside her.
“I bought this for you actually,” the voice said. “A souvenir.”
She looked into gorgeous brown eyes. Oh no, she thought. Not you again but then she was lost. He was beautiful. Then she began to get scared. What if he wasn’t real? She then remembered her mother saying when someone offers you something, accept it graciously. Say thank you. So she did. Nice little tractor she said to herself.
“I was sorry to scare you so badly,” he said, “but that guy was hard to handle. I had to use all my magic, every bit of it.”
“I’m glad you did,” she said wondering what was going to happen next.
If you’re wondering what’s happening next, “I guess it’s the decent thing to warn you that I’m about to commence courting the girl of my dreams. I just loved that tunnel tongue lashing. Can’t get enough of it.
“Oh!” she said. “Lucky girl.” Why was Ribbit Ribbit hopping around her head?
“I’m glad you feel that way,” he said.
As they say. Stay tuned.
the end